Let me just start this post off my saying what a wonderful daddy I have!!!! Watching him suffer through so much the last 9 months has been the hardest thing as his daughter...ever! I remember the day we sat in the doctors office and got the news of his cancer- life took a fast turn in the other direction. Don't get me wrong I have no doubt that God is in control and lean on that everyday, but.....I am human and so very selfish. Watching someone you love and are so close to having to suffer is not very fun at all. You see, I have plans for my dads life! This cancer thing wasn't part of MY plan, but yes I know, it was part of God's. So, I have to remind myself just about every other minute that "my thoughts are not your thoughts...." I want my daddy to be strong and healthy so that my kids can have their papa. He has so much he could be teaching them about life, just as he taught me. So many times in my life, I have relied on him for strength and wisdom and now as I watch him weak and frail it seems so messed up!! Nothing about this cancer thing is black and white. Its a journey of complete uncertainty....boy is that scary....wondering what the future holds when I see him lying here. Sometimes I just want things back to the way they used to be. When they were "normal" I took so many things for granted...hearing my daddy sing, laugh, enjoying a family meal together...little did I know how quickly things can change. So for now, I have to accept the new normal and love my daddy everyday more and more and appreciate the things he has taught me....like trust in God!